This is the South. Land of chivalry and Cheerwine. You hear fairy tales about the South and how it's teeming with gentlemen who open doors for a female, stand up when a woman enters and exits the room and refuse to let a woman pay.

I'm positive there are people reading this right now saying "that's degrading to women! Brandy Jones is the anti-feminist; in fact, she's the devil." Here's how I see things. I know I can pay for myself, but if I don't have to, why do it? The mantra of the poor college student is: "If you provide free food and drink, we will come."

I'm not going to refuse a free beer at a bar just because it's against the ideals I hold for myself as a female. I'm going to refuse once, then politely accept the offer. But I digress.

The idea of "the gentleman" is, for the most part, dead. Walking to class today, I had to cross the street. I start to gingerly step off of the sidewalk and onto the road when, from the corner of my eye, I see an enormous SUV barreling down the road at breakneck speed. Had I not jumped back, I would have been seriously injured.

Before he sped away, I managed to make eye contact with the perpetrator, a male, who gave me a little wave as he sped away; I gave him a little finger, but that's not the point. What I'm trying to say is that running down anyone in the street, not just women, is completely ungentlemanly. Who do you guys learn manners from, Andrew Dice Clay?

You know what? Women do it too! We are a culture of rudeness! There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, but on the whole, I get kind of disgusted with Wake students. This is why I propose a new code of behavior that all are required to follow. It would be divided into two sections: gentleman and ladies. Sort of like bathrooms, in fact, we could hang the Code in bathrooms all over campus. Then people would be forced to read it.

Each section would contain subdivisions: the bathroom, the car, the great outdoors, the bedroom and many more. I'll just give you all a glimpse of one chapter: the bedroom.

Clearly, there are obvious rules for the bedroom. No biting unless it is requested. No teeth; this encompasses a variety of situations including oral sex, the licking of teeth during a kiss, etc. No snoring. No bed hogging. There are many other defined rules, but I would like to focus on what makes a person either a gentleman or a lady under the sheets (or on the couch, the floor, the shower, whatever you're into).

A gentleman always makes sure his lady is having a pleasurable experience. This includes reciprocation for each and every sexual favor. Just do it. Don't wait for her to ask you for it; just do it and if she doesn't want it, she should let you know.

A gentleman would never push a lady friend's head down to his crotch. If you are lucky enough to have a willing lady friend, she will make the decision for herself. A gentleman will also be careful how much pressure he puts on a lady friend's head during the act. Too much will make you appear forceful, but too little will make your lady think you don't care about the gift she is giving you.

Gentlemen prefer condoms. Every time. Ladies prefer men who prefer condoms. Especially the ones that are designed for extended pleasure.

A gentleman will be satisfied just to have the pleasure of a lady's company and not expect anything from a "let's watch a movie" date.

Ladies, if you don't want it, say so. There are situations in which you become frustrated by the amount of time it takes to get off. If it takes too long, you just get tired and want to quit.

However, a lot of gentlemen will keep trying, but once you've crossed the line from hot to bothered (as in "I wish he could get off of me and go to sleep."), nothing is going to work. A lady always tells her gentleman friends to cut it out before that line is crossed.

This is only the beginning. I was reading The Stall Street Journal in Benson and I'm thinking about starting a committee of people interested in this new code. We could get a charter and a budget. I think the Student Government appropriations committee would give me money for such a worthy endeavor, don't you?

"Sex and the Campus" is a regular column exploring the sexual climate at the university. The column is written by a senior under a pseudonym in order to maintain her sexual anonymity. To contact Brandy, e-mail sex@ogb.wfu.edu.