So you want to write a sex column
By Brandy Jones
Sex and the Campus

I was pleasantly surprised to see Scott Anderson's "Advice for the lovelorn" column in Sept. 19th's paper concerning the male perspective on love, sex and relationships on campus. Often, I find myself writing from the female point of view and addressing females because, well, that's what I know.

Intrigued, I read on, only to discover that my male counterpart should have waited a year or two to write this article. This column was written by a freshman who has been at the university for less than a month. How much can you really learn about how to pick up women? I've been here for three years and I still can't figure guys out!

I decided to give the guy a fighting chance. I read his article and discovered that there were, in fact, some pointers that were mildly relevant. True, freshman women are normally drawn to upperclassmen guys. When we come to college, we dream of a place where men are more mature, more grown-up and more in-tune with our needs. Hence, we look to guys who are older than we are to fulfill the fantasy of the "college man."

We all know how well that went.

I agree that freshman guys (and all guys, for that matter) should grow some balls. Talk to girls. We won't bite, I swear. Unless you want us to, that is. I also think that it is excellent news to see a guy advocate making a girl feel special, complimenting her and being romantic. I congratulate you, Scott, on trying.

As much as I liked some of the things that were said, there were other aspects of your helpful hints that made me laugh, that made me cry and that made me want to burn the article until nothing was left but the ashes of freshman naivety.

First of all, if this column "level(ed) the playing field for even the most inexperienced and unattractive freshmen males," I might as well give up on women all over the world.

Let's begin with the first hint: know your limits. True, but don't avoid speaking to the Angie Everhart look-alike in your math class! What if she intimidates all guys and no one talks to her? You might be the man of her dreams and you didn't know it because you didn't try to strike up a conversation.

Doing research on the object of your affection is a good idea as well, but only to a certain extent. If she is indeed dating a 240-pound football player, don't stalk her. Maybe try talking to her in the gym. Be her friend. You don't have to get into her pants, and it would probably be in your best interest not to.

Seeing as all of the buildings on campus are co-ed now, you probably do have beautiful freshman girls living on your hall and it is also true that the seniors do not.

However, no matter how smooth you act in the dorm, the girls are probably going to go to the fraternity party on Friday night, so if you want to hang out on a Friday night with the object of your affection, my advice would be to go to the party.

My favorite hint is to learn how to fake it if you're not an interesting guy. Learn how to fake it. Man, I loved the word choice there. We've been learning how to fake it for centuries. It's about time men had to fake something.

The next hint is the one that made me want to burn the article and never give it a second thought. Cautioning girls to remember that men are not all Abercrombie models? Can we say double standard? Okay, we get it. You're not all Abercrombie models. How about guys remember that we're not all stick figures with nice T & A? Ponder that for a while, Skippy.

I'm almost done with my little diatribe. The last paragraph reaffirmed my faith in my own sense of humor. I loved how the columnist referred to these eager freshman women as "prospective girlfriends." It almost led me to believe that there are still guys out there who want girlfriends. Then I remember that the author is a freshman who has been here for a month.

Then, finally, the last line: "Be the man of her dreams and she will rock your world." She will rock your world?!? Perhaps if women find the man of their dreams here, they will rock your world. But really, the idea that women can find the men of their dreams at Wake is ludicrous.

Then again, I do admit that I have become cynical in my old age. It's just funny how columns such as these make me feel even older than normal.

Still, I applaud the author for his optimism and attempts at making the love lives of forlorn freshman males a little better. I'll be interested to see how long his optimism lasts in this cesspool of negativity we call our university.