On an unrelated note, with all of the current housing hoopla taking place on campus right now, I began to think about the college phenomena commonly referred to as the "Walk of Shame." Yes, the topic has been broached in previous columns, yet as a rising senior I see the Walk of Shame metamorphosing right in front of my eyes.

As freshmen, the Walk of Shame was no big deal. There are five south campus dorms, all easily accessible, all centralized in location. What's the worst that could possibly happen? So you hooked up with a PiKA and slept on their halls. Luter is only a stone's throw from Collins! Piece of cake. The administration made things even easier on freshmen when they made Bostwick co-ed. Do you live on Bostwick 1A? Go find a guy on 1B, or even better, 2B, and your Walk of Shame consists of a mere walk down the hall or up the stairs. Sheer brilliance on the part of the powers that be. The only exception is that of the residents of Palmer and Piccolo. That's a helluva Walk of Shame, folks. No one ever really makes it to south campus; we all know the kids up there are incestuous in their hookups anyway.

Things got more complicated when sophomore year rolled around and there was a migration to the Quad dorms, unless of course you're a Kappa, Chi-O, Pi Phi, PiKA, Theta, Chi Psi or another one of the groups unfortunate enough to have a long walk regardless of the year-based hierarchy of housing preferences. Hypothetical situation: you live in Taylor. The chick you've been shacking up with for the past month (careful, it's beginning to resemble a relationship!) lives in Kitchin. In order to get home on Sunday morning, you have to cross the Quad, meaning you will inevitably run into students on a Sundry run, people visiting the ATM and post office, tour groups and worst of all, the church folk. There is nothing worse than doing a Walk of Shame while students and senior citizens alike are making their way to Wait Chapel for the Sunday morning service. You are immediately labeled a heathen and destined for a permanent residence in the fiery pits of hell. Bon voyage. We'll pray for your doomed soul, but it's not going to do any good, so when you see him, tell Satan to shove it.

But really, folks, none of this even compares to the Walk of Shame experiences during junior and senior year. In their last year at school, many seniors make the monumental move to Student Apartments, Polo, or even, dare I say it, off campus! The walk from these on-campus dorms still isn't as bad as it is to Palmer and Piccolo (or "little West Virginia" as I like to call it), but when you add the off-campus factor into the equation, there's big trouble. How does one make a Walk of Shame when you find yourself in some guy's apartment in Northcliffe? There is no way to make a quiet, graceful exit. He's either got to get out of bed to drive you home or you've got to call a cab. Not only did you just hook up with the sketchy fraternity guy who had one of his pledge drivers take you to his apartment, now you've got to waste precious Deacon Dollars -- and dignity for that matter -- on a cab ride back to campus.

True, this is a worst-case scenario, but it is a problem nonetheless. This idea leads me to a rather interesting hypothesis. The dating patterns of students at Wake Forest are pretty standard. For the first two or three years, men and women alike work hard to sow their wild oats. When you reach your junior or senior year, you're looking to settle down, find someone to have a stable, committed relationship with -- or you just want to have sex and you haven't been able to find anyone to put out yet. You find yourself in a relationship and people start to ask, "When's the wedding?"

I offer a different opinion on this dating pattern. I believe that juniors and seniors are more often in relationships because they have moved either off-campus or to a more comfortable setting, like Student Apartments or Polo. Instead of wasting all that valuable cab fare, why not just start dating that girl or guy you've been hooking up with lately? You can stay at their place all day, watch TV, order Chinese food, and live a very comfortable existence. Sure, you'll be confined to one person for as long as the relationship lasts, but there's no need to worry about STD's either!

Unless, of course, you're a cheater or you're dating a cheater. Then you've got bigger problems than just worrying what the guy from Willard's Cabs thinks of your smeared makeup and high heels.