Sex secrets are kept secret for a reason
By Brandy Jones
Sex and the Campus

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine last night. He IM'ed me and asked what I was doing.

"I'm writing a paper. You?"

"I'm reading porn."

"Sounds like more fun than my paper."

"The fun part will come later when I'm masturbating."

WHAT?!? Why is it that males feel the overwhelming need to let us, the females of the world, know every aspect of their sexual lives? Is it really supposed to be a turn-on for women to know that, after looking at the latest issue of Hustler, Penthouse, Playboy, or Maxim, their friends are going to play a little solitaire?

What is it with men and sex? If they're not having it, they're talking about it. If they're not talking about it, they're thinking about it. If they're not thinking about it, they must be asleep, most likely dreaming about it. Is there anything that does not remind men of sex? If there is, please tell me. I'd like to know.

I'm not saying that women don't have a sex drive. We do. What's the difference? We don't advertise the fact that watching Dirty Dancing makes us hot, bothered and wishing that being a geek like Baby could get us Johnny Castle.

I read somewhere once that men are more visually stimulated than women. Bluntly, pictures of naked women ¯ T&A and other nether regions ¯ turn men on. Women, on the other hand, are more verbally oriented. No, I'm not talking about dirty talking ¯ blech ¯ I'm talking about those cheap, trashy romance novels that they sell in the grocery store. You know, the ones with Fabio and some half-naked chick on the cover. Here's a sample from Mr. and Mrs. Wrong by Fay Robinson, available to you from Superromance. In this scene, we find Jack, who left Lucky, coming home to find his boxing glovesÉand something else.

"'I don't see them. Are you sure you didn't take them with you?'"

When she stood, he moved closer and pressed himself against her, enveloping her in his arms. He was already aroused. "'Now that I think about it,'" he said, sliding one hand down and inside her shorts, "'I guess I did.'"

Now if that doesn't get your blood boiling, ladies, I don't know what will. (On a side note, will the reader please detect the sarcasm in that statement? Thank you.)

Back to my original question: is it all men or just my friends who find it necessary to tell me all about their sexual escapades, whether with someone else or solo?

To complicate matters, this guy has a new girlfriend. How does she feel about him telling me that he's about to take the dog for a walk? Of course, she probably doesn't know, but she should!

Perhaps it is because I'm open with my sexuality. But just because I write about what goes on in the bedroom, and other places for that matter, doesn't mean that I really want to know the details! It may not seem like it, but I get grossed out, too, from time to time.

Keep it to yourselves, people, especially if you don't know someone that well. There is no need to introduce yourself to someone by saying, "Hi. My name is Frank. I'm going to go read Playboy and then I'm going to masturbate. I'll let you know how it goes."

When I was very young, I was taught this lesson: Think before you speak. For God's sake! Think before you speak!

"Sex and the Campus" is a regular column exploring the sexual climate at the
university. The column is written by a junior under a pseudonym in order to
maintain her sexual anonymity.