Relationships face uncertainty during break from campus
By Brandy Jones

“Sex and the Campus” is a regular column exploring the sexual climate at the university. The column is written by a junior under a pseudonym in order to maintain her sexual anonymity.

So you found love this semester. Beautiful. The last week of classes has rolled around and the only free time you have is spent in the library working on your eight papers, six presentations, and third nervous breakdown.

You’re tired. You’re irritable. You’re grumpy. You’re definitely in no mood for that scheduled hookup between 3 and 3:15 a.m.

Relationship-wise, you’ve got bigger problems than skipping your hookup to finish your accounting homework. In less than two weeks, you will be returning to your home in Pennsylvania while your new love du jour will be traipsing back home to Georgia for winter break.

As much as we hate to admit it, we all know there is a distinct possibility, given the often-fickle nature of relationships here, that your current flame will retreat into the arms of his or her hometown hookup. Seven hundred miles is a long way away, and, as we all know, when the cat’s away, the mice will play.

The worst part of this scenario lies in the fact that if your significant other did cheat on you, there is no way you will ever find out about it, especially if the Mason-Dixon line is dividing your love.

Do you really believe that he stayed faithful? Do you take their word for it or do you turn into a sneaky stalker and call his friends? Call his house to see who answers the phone, and then hang up as quickly as you can? Check his away messages constantly to keep tabs on his whereabouts?

If you’ve noticed, I’ve limited my pronouns to “he” and “his” because, speaking as a member of the gentler sex, only a girl would be so neurotic.

After conducting some very scientific research, I have been informed that a guy, on the other hand, would, and I quote “Make sweet love all night long, and if it wasn’t as special to her as it was to you, then you would know.”

I don’t know if that is the general consensus among the male population on campus, but it seemed logical enough to me! Kind of a different, more sentimental twist on the whole “love ‘em and leave ‘em” mantra, isn’t it?

The big question here is: if you think that you will be revisiting Temptation Island over break, what should you do? Break it off so as not to hurt your significant other’s feelings? Keep things going and hope that the temptation never reaches its boiling point? Hope that alcohol never gets within a 10-foot radius of your lips?

This poses a difficult question with an equally difficult answer. I think it really depends on where you stand on the dating timeline. The dating timeline is essential. Typically, the chronology is as follows: hookup, sleep over, be seen together in daylight hours, introduce to friends, go out on a date (if you’re lucky). Right after that first date, about a year and a half into the relationship, you’re practically engaged.

Where do you fall on this spectrum and how does it relate to the success of a long distance relationship over break? Let’s just say that if you’ve been out on a real date (no, dinner at Shorty’s does not count), you’ve got it made in the shade. Anything before that, you’d better watch out. Unless you’ve had the DTR, which is a completely different story.

So remember this as you’re traveling home for break. Cheaters get coal in their stockings and a venereal disease in their pants. Happy Holidays!