The DTR is all in the timing
By Brandy Jones

One constant question on every student’s mind is this: where do I stand in my relationship with this person that I’ve been repeatedly hooking up with? Since dating is a relative non-issue here on campus, how is one ever to know where a relationship stands?

Everyone knows that hooking up is a fairly standard practice among college students, but when does it change into something more?

More importantly, how do you find out if there is something more if the relationship is merely based on an overdose of lust and beer goggles?

Before I got to college, I had never heard of it. It is a discussion that scares the living hell out of guys and girls alike. It is the turning point in a relationship. It can ruin a friendship. It can forge an everlasting bond. It can be a drunken conversation you won’t even remember the next day.

Yes, this is the DTR.

Considering the rapid pace that relationships usually follow on campus, the “Defining The Relationship” talk is a necessary evil. It is a scary, frightening thing. With these helpful hints, maybe together we can make the DTR a little more user-friendly.

First and foremost, you have to time the DTR perfectly. Have the talk too early and you could scare away your soul mate. Have it too late and you run the risk of losing out on something special. Is there a happy medium? It’s a difficult question with an ambiguous answer. If the timing is right, you’ll know it.

Second, make sure that you don’t have the DTR with your hookup buddy. As essential as it may seem, if the only place you see this person is in your dorm room with the lights out, you have nothing to discuss. If you introduce the DTR into the equation, the person you’re hooking up with might get scared and you’ve just lost yourself a perfectly good hookup.

Finally, when confronted with a DTR, don’t get scared. Overreacting won’t get you anywhere either. Be receptive to his or her thoughts, feelings and emotions.
We’re all human. Whether or not you think the DTR is needed, that other person pouring their heart out obviously thinks so.

If you’ve been dating (and I mean dating – not a complimentary trip to IS), if you’ve hooked up once or even if you’ve just been hanging out as friends, try and be flattered by the DTR. The initiator clearly thinks you are something special; true, he or she could want to get away from you as quickly as possible, but let’s pretend the cup is half-full in this situation.

Disclaimer: The DTR is not something to relay over Instant Messenger. Period. The evils of IM are perilous, especially concerning the DTR. Do yourself a favor and express your feelings in person. This way, if it goes wrong, there is no evidence but secondhand word of mouth. While this can be damaging, it’s a lot less damaging than a conversation that can be saved, forwarded, and/or printed out for the world to see.

The DTR is a force to be reckoned with. It must be used wisely and infrequently. Reserve the DTR for special occasions. Reserve the DTR for special people. If it goes well, who knows? You might be engaged in a year or two. If it goes badly, well, I hate to say it, but I told you not to DTR with the guy who took you to IS on your first date!

“Sex amd the Campus” is a regular column exploring the sexual climate at the university. The column is written by a junior under a pseudonym in order to maintain her sexual anonymity