Thoughts on a sports weekend
By Mike Scott
Assistant Sports Editor

In case you care, and I know you don’t, here follows some random news from the sports world this weekend (and some from further back, too):

Because of the new military operations, or whatever the correct phrase is, in Afghanistan, it seems right to start on the international level. The guys in Red, White and Blue taught the Jamaicans a thing or two about kicking the ball around, claiming a 2-1 victory Sunday afternoon in World Cup Qualifying (that would be soccer, for those that don’t know).

When Mexico tied Costa Rica 0-0 and Honduras lost to, get this, Trinidad and Tobago 1-0, the U.S. victory over the “Reggae Boyz” meant that our guys would be in Japan and South Korea next summer for the World Cup. Might be kind of a good news, bad news sort of thing, though, when you consider what happened last time when we were 0 for the tournament, including a loss to Iran. Iran? Come on. They’ve got, what, like one millionth the population we have? How can we possibly lose a competition to a country that small? That 1998 game was billed by the Iranians as a fight against the Evil Empire, and there was much rejoicing in the streets ofTehran afterwards. I know soccer isn’t a popular sport here, but, up until that point I hadn’t even known that the Iranians fielded teams for any type of international competition outside of fixing oil prices or the illegal arms trade. The most amazing thing about the game was that the Americans actually managed to score less in that first half than the Deacon basketball team did in its first round ousting in the NCAA Tournament a year ago.

Barry Bonds hits two homers in one game to break that MacDonald guy’s record by two, sits out a game, then hits one more in the final game of the season, giving him an asinine season total of 73. This just in though, the commissioner’s office says the ball isn’t juiced. Yeah right. If you had told me in 1997 that over the next four years: one person would hit 70 home runs, another person would hit over 60 home runs three times, and some guy who used to be about the width of my left thigh would hit 73 in a season, I would have laughed, slapped you and then brought you up to speed on a few investment opportunities I’ve got lined up, chief among them the Human Fund (Motto: Money, for people).

I mean, balls are leaving parks in less time than it took for the world to forget about that Jeffrey Maier kid (you know, the one that caught the home run in the Yankees’ playoff series against the Orioles a decade ago). Granted, a lot of the new stadiums are smaller (I think I could hit a baseball over the left field wall in Houston with a wiffle bat), but Shawn Green is hitting 49 home runs? Cecil “I’m bigger than a house” Fielder, who hit his prime in the early ‘90s before the ball was hopped up, only hit 50 homers in a year once. Cecil probably eats Green’s weight for breakfast. Heck, Nomar Garciaparra hit 35 in 1998. Yeah, but he looks like a home run hitter. I know there are better training methods now, yada, yada, but come on. Speaking of home runs, Alex “My Jewelry is Worth More Than Your Life” Rodriguez led the American League with 52. But the Rangers did not do so well. If Bonds was his own team, and he was given a win for every home run he hit, he would have tied the Rangers. Excuse me, Mr. (Rangers owner Tom) Hicks, have you looked into charitable investments? Because I know of a great one. It gives money to people. I’ve also got some property I’d like to show you.

David Toms wins the Michelob Classic by one shot over Kirk Triplett. If a golf tournament happens, and I’m the only person on campus that cares, does it make a sound?

Texas falls to Oklahoma in a battle of undefeated, top-five teams. Sorry, I’m getting a little verclemped … talk amongst yourselves … I’ll give you a topic … seedless watermelons, how do they do it? And discuss … okay, I’m okay (I’m from Texas, and a large Longhorns fan). UT quarterback Chris Simms looked great in this one. He threw the deep ball almost well enough to play for my friend’s women’s intramural team.

Almost.

This makes Bob Stoops something like 77-0 against anyone good in his time at OU. Is there a better coach anywhere? This guy took a team that previously couldn’t have told you what a fly pattern was, and after this year will have two National Championships and a win streak longer than one of my run-on sentences. Seriously, I don’t see anyway this team loses to anyone outside of some alien race bred specifically to play football. The only humans that have a shot are Miami and Florida, but I just don’t see anyone beating a Stoops coached team in a big game, especially when he has extra time to prepare. You can mark it down right now — Oklahoma will be in Pasadena come New Years, and they will win the Granddaddy of Them All (That would be the Rose Bowl, for those of you who don’t know). I mean this team is just, dadgumit, it hurts me to say this stuff, but this team just makes the big plays at the big times in the big games. All last year they beat people when nobody thought they could, when the other team probably had more talent, because they don’t make mistakes, they play hard and smart, and they come up with exactly what they need exactly when they need it. That is completely due to coaching.

People will most likely keep expecting OU to lose, but they won’t, you heard it here first.
Finally, we’ll move to campus happenings. I am going to devote this space to those teams that don’t always get a lot of publicity. First off, the Demon Deacon field hockey team came up with their second straight 2-0 victory over second-ranked UNC. The Deacs shouldn’t have to pay taxes, because they own North Carolina, having beaten them twice this year. This is a team that does not get its just props, as they went to the Final Four (that would be the Final Four teams in the country) last year. How incredible a job has Head Coach Jennifer Averrill done with this team? She has literally built from scratch a program that, from the looks of it, will contend for the national title for years to come, in this her tenth year.

Next is the Demon Deacon men’s golf team, which placed second, one stroke back, two weeks ago at The Preview, possibly the biggest tournament of the regular season, as it is held at the site of the NCAA Tournament, with only the country’s best teams invited. Junior Brent Wanner took the individual title, with sophomore Bill Haas one stroke back in second place. It looks as if this group is ready to put Deacon Gold back in its rightful place, at the top. Not since the days of Head Coach Jesse Haddock, who produced such PGA talent as Billy Andrade, Curtis Strange, Lanny Wadkins, and Arnold Palmer, to name a few, has a Deacon team been this loaded.

Anyway, just throwing a few things out there for your reading pleasure (or displeasure).