Random hook-ups can send mixed signals

“Sex and the Campus” is a regular feature exploring the social and sexual climate at the university. The column is written by a junior under a pseudonym in odrer to maintain her sexual anonymity.

For freshmen, entering college is one of those life experiences everyone always talks about. You are free to discover your own person. Free to become successful, independent adults. Free to realize your full potential.

Free to let your hormones run completely wild on a co-ed campus whose sexual energy is fed almost completely by the all-powerful “hook-up.”

What happened to the days when the Bostwick formal parlor was used as a reception area for young men to greet and escort residents of the hall out on a date? Yes Virginia, once upon a time, the practice of dating did exist at the university. Just two years ago Bostwick was still an all-female residence hall, the “Virgin Vault” of South Campus.

These days, Bostwick is overrun with freshman boys who have two joys in life: making the halls smell like jock straps and hanging signs on the A side that say “Bostwick 1B looking for hot females to do our laundry. Inquire within.” With this decision, did the omnipotent administration put the final nail in the coffin of chivalry?

For students, the hook-up can be defined in a variety of ways. Some people see hooking up as an innocent kiss while others see it as jumping right into bed with someone after funneling your fourth beer at a fraternity party. Freshmen, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the innocent kiss no longer exists.

Now a kiss means so many things. During the kiss, very different thoughts are running through the participants’ minds. Guys are thinking “Sweet! I’m definitely going to get laid tonight. Don’t forget to call the roommate and tell him to get the hell out!” On the other hand, the girl is thinking, “He’s making out with me! He must really like me. I wonder what we’ll name our children.”

There are exceptions to these rather general stereotypes. Occasionally you will run across a guy who is ready to settle down or a girl who only wants to get some. For the most part you run into males who consider themselves one of the nice guys. Ladies, most of the time you will find that, especially here on campus, these nice guys will be your friend after a hookup, but nothing more. Guys, that girl who had her hands all over you at that frat party last night may have said it was a one-time thing, but I guarantee that she wants you to call her tomorrow.

Freshmen girls, look out. You are considered fresh meat. You will be sought out, hunted and eventually devoured.

Freshmen guys, all of the girls in your class want upperclassmen guys. All of the girls ahead of you wouldn’t be caught dead spending the night on South Campus. That’s a helluva long walk of shame. I’m sorry freshmen boys, but in the hook-up game, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

There are things you can do to avoid this vicious hook-up cycle. Get to know someone before you take the plunge. Just because that girl in the black pants and neon pink tube top looks like she stepped out of Playboy doesn’t mean she’s easy and is looking for an one-night stand. The same goes for you girls. Just because a guy says he wants a house in the ‘burbs, 2.3 kids and a puppy dog doesn’t mean he’s not trying to figure out a way to get into your pants faster than you can say “I do.”

If you do decide to enter the cycle that has had generations kicking themselves the morning after, be safe. If you’re going to have sex, wear a condom. Period, end of story. It’s a small campus, you never know what’s going around.

Call me a pessimist. Call me disillusioned. I can guarantee that some people on campus would label me realistic. I can also guarantee that there is still potential to find love on campus. Girls, you’re going to have to dig deep and explore uncharted territories such as the library or Information Systems at lunchtime. Guys, Salem College is about 10 minutes away.