Advertising mania is shallow
By Stephanie Anderson & Brooks Flynn
Student Columnists

> February 1, 2001

The world is being inundated with unexplainable combinations. History has been full of them (i.e. the El Camino) but recently, they are too many blatant examples. As always, the Super Bowl provided a stage for capitalistic mutiny (we don’t know what that means, but it sounds terrific, huh?). So, commemorating this column as Steph’s triumphant return from abroad, and Brooks’ glorious rise from his couch, we will point out a few of these monstrosities.

How can Nelly and Mary J. Blige return to their artistic communities with any dignity whatsoever? They were served with about two seconds of airtime in the Super Bowl montage. Appearing with ‘N Sync and Britney Spears could not have been the best career move for Aerosmith either. Alternative grunge meets R&B meets Rap meets Abercrombie and Fitch is not a cultural union, it is an ear-and eyesore. (A side note on Nelly: it takes the dance out of Brooks’ soul to hear that he’s “a sucker for manicured toes” in the artist’s rap song. He needs to rectify his grooming vocabulary — toes are not manicured, they are pedicured.) Shortly after the stageside Tap Lights went out, we were left with not only an unsatisfied feeling, but only two words of description: lackluster performance.

Our award for most deceptive commercial image goes to the George Foreman/ iMac Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. As if anyone saw that and did not think that it was a laptop computer. He blatantly copied the Apple design, but what can you expect from someone who names all of his sons “George?” Besides, wouldn’t you anticipate someone who actually is lean to market such a product and not the former heavyweight champion of the world?

At what is perhaps the most glaring manifestation of American consumerism, commercial space sold for about $2.4 million. This is ridiculous, especially when the network cannot even fill all of the slots. At least we are pretty sure that $2.4 million was not chipped in 18 times to push “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

We realize, through “Survivor” and other island shows exemplifying legalized prostitution that television is closer to real life than being a student or having a job. But, perhaps we can also examine the zany habits of those in everyday encounters. For example, that guy in the laundry room who removes his clothes, one item at time, from the dryer, carefully folding them and placing them in his basket. Never mind that you are standing there waiting, with your wet cloths slowly soaking the only clean shirt that was left in your drawer.

Or, let’s say that — like Steph — you are driving down to school and are in a car wreck in which you break your neck. Not only do you get to be the cool girl on campus with a neck brace, but you also get to explain to a minimum of four people a day that if you removed your neck brace, no, your head would not fall off. Because, really, you fractured a vertebrae, rather than having the entire upper portion of your spine turned into a wet noodle. Steph’s designer neck brace not only keeps her focused on whatever happens to be in front of her, but makes her an unequal contender at the “tap the shoulder and move to the other side” game. Besides those downfalls, new cinematic associations are possible — with Darth Vader and the neck brace girl from “Sixteen Candles.” (By the way, Brooks just asked if I want to go to Carowinds.)

We really have no conclusion, except for a warning. Do not give into the temptation of wearing sandals on a day that warrants a sweater and a coat.